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-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- It was a little boy's first day in school and a teacher was going to play a "guessing" game. She passed out different items to each of the students and proceeded to ask each student what item they received. When...

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Two old guys, one 80 and one 87, were sitting on their usual park bench one morning. The 87 year old had just finished his morning jog and wasn't even short of breath. The 80 year old was amazed at his friend's...

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A preacher went into his church and he was praying to God. While he was praying, he asked God, "How long is 10 million years to you?" God replied, "One second." The next day the preacher asked God, "God, how...

Reflections of Marriage -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The wife and I were sitting around the breakfast table one lazy Sunday morning. I said to her, "If I were to die suddenly, I want you to immediately sell all...

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I went to the doctor for my yearly physical.. The nurse started with certain basics. "How much do you weigh?" she asked. "135," I said. The nurse put me on the scale. It turns out my weight is 180. The nurse...

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A baby seal walks into a bar and sits down. "What can I get you?" asked the bartender. "Anything but a Canadian Club" replied the seal.

The suspect in a botched car bombing in Times Square appeared in court Tuesday on terrorism and weapons charges for the first time since his arrest two weeks ago and was quickly led away in handcuffs after being held without bail. Faisal Shahzad, a Pakistan-born U.S. citizen, muttered one word...

Adams Questions One day, God and Adam were walking in the Garden of Eden. God told Adam that it was time to populate the Earth. "Adam, you can start by kissing Eve." "Lord, what is a kiss?" asked Adam. God explained, and then Adam took Eve behind the bush and kissed her. A little while...

A man was stumbling through the woods, totally drunk, when he came upon a preacher baptizing people in the river. He proceeded to walk into the water and bumped into the preacher. The preacher turned around and, though almost overcome by the smell of alcohol, asked the drunk, "Are you ready to...

The Little Bird Once upon a time, there was a guy sunbathing in the nude. He saw a little girl coming towards him, so he covered himself with the newspaper he was reading. The girl came up to him and asked "What do you have under the newspaper, mister?" "A bird," the guy replied. The little...

This co-worker was truly concerned about her husband’s smoking habit. She had finally got him to agree to limit his smoking at home to only those times when they had finished making love. She said she had got the idea from a classic movie they had watched on TV called “Cold Turkey.” After about...

Washcloth There was a little boy whose mother was about to have a baby. One day, the little boy walked in and saw his mother naked. He asked his mother what the hair between her legs was. She responded, "It's my wash cloth." Weeks later, after the mother had her baby, the young boy walked in...

The Beautiful Teacher A pretty teacher was concerned with one of her students. Taking him aside after class one day, she asked, "Little Johnny, why has your school work been so poor lately?" "I'm in love," the boy replied. Holding back an urge to smile, she asked, "With whom?" "With YOU!"...

Walmart Condoms A man was in a long line at Walmart. As he got to the register he realized he had forgotten to get condoms, so he asked the checkout girl if she could have some brought up to the register. She asked, 'What size condoms?' The customer replied that he didn't...

new prisoner,,, a new inmate asked a fellow prisoner what you do for fun in here , he replied on monday we play basketball , on tuesday we play baseball , then the prisoner asked the new inmate if he was gay , he replied no, well your not going to like wednesday..:Laugh::Laugh: lit bill

A 50-year-old woman was arrested for shoplifting........ -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ............. Quote: A 50-year-old woman was arrested for shoplifting. When she went before the judge, he asked her: "What did you steal?" "A can of...

Little Johnny -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ----- ------- It is near the end of the school year. The teacher has turned in her grades. There is really nothing to do. All the kids are restless because there is...

It's Hell to be Old OLD people have problems that you haven't even considered yet! An 85-year-old man was requested by his Doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, 'Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow.' The next...

His & Hers Diaries HER DIARY Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a bar to have a drink. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it...

Two Boys... -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Two little boys, ages 8 and 10, were excessively mischievous. They were always getting into trouble and their parents knew all about it. If any mischief occurred in their town, the two boys were...