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A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead were trying out for a new NASA experiment on sending women to different planets. First, they called the brunette in and asked her a question. "If you could go to any planet, what planet would you want to go to and why?" After pondering the question she...

THIS IS PRICELESS! In parochial school students are taught that lying is a sin. However, Instructions also advised that using a bit of imagination was OK to express the Truth differently without lying. Below is a perfect example of those teachings: Getting a Hairdryer Through Customs. An...

Stephen Harper was looking for a call girl. He found three such girls in a local pub, a blonde, a brunette and a redhead. To the blonde he said, I am the Prime Minister of Canada. Now how much would it cost me to spend some time with you?' She replied, $200.' To the brunette he asked the same...

In a trial, in a small SC town, a prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand. She was sworn in, asked if she would tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, on the Bible, so help her God. She says "I do." She was a proper well-dressed elderly lady, the...

A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, 'Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!' After a few seconds, Little Larry stood up. The teacher said, 'Do you think you're stupid, Larry?' 'No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there...

John took his blind date to the carnival. "What would you like to do first, Kim?" asked the man. "I want to get weighed," said the girl. They ambled over to the weight guesser. He guessed 120 pounds. She got on the scale; it read 117 and she won a prize. Next the couple went on the ferris wheel...

AP - The federal government's decision to stop an Arizona sheriff from checking inmates' immigration status will allow criminals to be released into the community, Maricopa County's top prosecutor said Friday as he asked the president to order Homeland Security officials to restore access to...

There was a man who really took care of his body. He lifted weights and jogged 6 miles a day. One day, he took a look in the mirror and noticed that he was tan all over except his 'thing.' So, he decided to do something about it. He went to the beach, completely undressed himself and buried...

Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother gently rubbed cold cream on her face. "Why are you rubbing cold cream on your face, Mommy?" he asked. "To make myself beautiful," said his mother. A few minutes later, she began removing the cream with a tissue. "What's the matter?" asked...

A man with a gun went into a bank and demanded their money. Once he was given the money, he turned to a customer and asked, 'Did you see me rob this bank?' The man replied, 'Yes sir, I did.' The robber then shot him in the temple, killing him instantly. He then turned to a couple standing...

A farmer was selling his peaches door to door. He knocked on a door and a shapely 30 something woman dressed in a very sheer negligee answered the door. He raised his basket to show her the peaches and asked, 'Would you like to buy some peaches?' She pulled the top of the negligee to one side...

Lawyers should never ask a Mississippi grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer. In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know me?' She...

Prime Minister Stephen Harper says he has no intention of attempting to change the current law regarding capital punishment. In the second part of an exclusive interview with the CBC's Peter Mansbridge, Harper was asked about changes he would make if he had a majority government. When asked...

Have you ever been guilty of looking at others your own age and thinking, surely i can't look that old. Well . . . You'll love this one. My name is alice , and i was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new dentist. I noticed his dds diploma on the...

A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, watching his wife, who was looking at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was not far off he asked what she'd like to have for her birthday. 'I'd like to be six again', she replied, still looking in the mirror. On the morning of her Birthday, he...

WHY DO WE LOVE CHILDREN? NUDITY I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, 'Mom, that lady isn't wearing...

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A 3-year-old boy examined his testicles while taking a bath. 'Mom', he asked, 'Are these my brains?' 'Not yet,' she replied

Mohammad, an Arab child, entered his classroom on the first day of school in Ohio . "What is your name?" – asked the teacher. "Mohammad". answered the kid. You are in America now. From now on your name will be Johnny," –replied the teacher. In the evening, Mohammad returned home. "How was your...

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ONE I was walking through the cemetery this morning and saw a guy crouching down behind a tombstone. I said, "Morning." He said, "No, just taking a shit." TWO When I was a kid, I used to pray every night for a...

I recently asked my friends' little girl what she wanted to be when she grows up. She said she wanted to be President some day. Both of her parents, liberal Democrats, were standing there, so I asked her, 'If you were President what would be the first thing you would do?' She replied, 'I'd give...