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  1. Energizer

    girls night out

    Two women friends had gone out for a girls night out, and had been overenthusiastic on the cocktails. Incredibly drunk and walking home, they suddenly realized they both needed to pee. They were very close to a graveyard, and one of them suggested they do their business behind a headstone or...
  2. No Warranty

    'Oh not again' says Kamloops widow after care home homicide

    After the death of an elderly man at a Vernon care home on Sunday, a woman, whose husband died after he was attacked at a care home in Kamloops, says the province needs to do a better job of protecting seniors with dementia from violence at the hands of other patients. More...
  3. No Warranty

    Missing Winnipeg mom urged to contact police

    Police say they believe the mother whose two children were found dead in their home is still alive and are urging her to contact police. More...
  4. No Warranty

    Calgary woman, 83, drowned in her home

    An elderly Calgary woman who was found dead her home in an evacuation zone died of drowning, an autopsy has confirmed. More...
  5. No Warranty

    Ol' Blue

    A young cowboy from Bearberry just outside of Calgary goes off to college in Ontario. Half way through the semester, he has foolishly squandered all his money. He calls home. "Dad," he says, "You won't believe what modern education is developing! They actually have a program here in Waterloo...
  6. No Warranty

    A woman goes to the Doctor in Glasgow

    A woman goes to the Doctor in Glasgow, worried about her husband's temper and threatening manner. The Doc asks: "What's the problem, Janet? The woman says: "Weeell Doctor Cameron, I dinae know what to do. Every time ma hubbie comes home drunk, he threatens to slap me aroon'." The Doctor says...
  7. No Warranty

    Funeral Expense

    A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation in Jerusalem. While they were there, the wife passed away. The undertaker told the husband, "You can have her buried here in the Holy Land for $150 or we can have her shipped back home for $5,000. The husband thought about it and told the...
  8. No Warranty

    I invited a friend home for supper

    Honey," said this husband to his wife, "I invited a friend home for supper." "What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I haven't been shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal!" "I know all that.""Then why did you invite a friend for supper?""Because the...
  9. FTA Hacker

    No sign found of Calif. killer vet's mom

    Searchers said they found no trace of a missing California woman after they combed a park near her home in Gilroy, Calif. Martha Gutierrez, 52, has not been seen since Tuesday when her son killed his 11-year-old sister and then himself in the family apartment. The San Jose (Calif.) Mercury...
  10. No Warranty

    Home equity loans a concern, Bank of Canada warns

    Canadians are relying too much on home equity loans for their borrowing, the Bank of Canada has warned. More...
  11. the doctor

    Tax reform in this election year: It's not likely (AP)

    AP - Tax reform sounds like a good idea to lots of people, but where to start? Eliminate the popular deduction for home mortgages? End the write-off for charitable contributions? How about expanding the Social Security payroll tax? More...
  12. No Warranty

    B.C. fire kills father, 2 children

    A 28-year-old man and his two sons, aged three and four, have died in a mobile home fire in the B.C. Interior town of Sicamous. More...
  13. No Warranty

    Ottawa man freed from Congo jail

    A young Canadian man jailed in Congo following the country's tense presidential elections has been freed and could return home within the next week, a friend says. More...
  14. the doctor

    Whitney Cummings: Naked Photo Texts

    I have girlfriends who will text message naked photos of themselves to their man. Which, I guess the whole point of that is, to be like, 'Here's what's waiting for you at home, big boy.' If I was to do a 'here's what's waiting for you at home' photo shoot, I would take some pictures of the...
  15. No Warranty

    Brutal Toronto home invasion shakes family

    A Toronto family is terrorized by a brutal home invasion but the occupants avoid serious injuries, police say. More...
  16. FTA Hacker

    Missing 2-year-old found after double homicide in Virginia

    (CNN) -- A 2-year-old boy who authorities say was abducted following a home invasion robbery and double homicide in Richmond, Virginia, was found late Saturday, police said. Authorities said a suspect fled the scene of the robbery and homicides in a vehicle that was idling near the home. The...
  17. No Warranty

    Family of Canadian held by Taliban appeals to captors

    The family of a Toronto man who was kidnapped by the Taliban in Afghanistan last year is trying to bring him home by reaching out to his captors themselves. More...
  18. the doctor

    Northeast states cut heating aid to poor (AP)

    AP - Mary Power is 92 and worried about surviving another frigid New England winter because deep cuts in federal home heating assistance benefits mean she probably can't afford enough heating oil to stay warm. More...
  19. the doctor

    Feds: Couple claimed welfare, lived in $1.2M home (AP)

    AP - A Seattle chiropractor and his wife live in a $1.2 million waterfront home and have spent the past eight years flying to Moscow, Paris, Israel, Turkey, Mexico and the Dominican Republic. More...
  20. the doctor

    Iranian diplomats expelled from London arrive home (AP)

    AP - Iranian diplomats expelled from London in retaliation for attacks on British compounds in Tehran arrived home Saturday, the official IRNA news agency reported, sealing Iran's most serious diplomatic rift with the West in decades. More...
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