No Warranty
Scammer hater
1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's Round Table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.
2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island. It turned out
to be an optical Aleutian.
3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.
4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because
it
was a weapon of math disruption.
5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road ... and was cited for
littering.
7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum
Blownapart.
8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are
looking
into it.
10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said
to
the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'
13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit
me.
14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the
Grass.'
15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small
medium
at large.
16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a
seasoned veteran.
17. A backward poet writes inverse.
18. In a democracy, it's your vote that counts. In feudalism, it's
your
count that votes.
19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
20. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine.
21. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The
stewardess looks at him and says, 'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion
allowed
per passenger.'
22. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and
says
'Dam!'
23. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in
the
craft. Unsurprisingly it sank. Proving once again that you can't have
your
kayak and heat it too.
24. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my electron.' The
other says 'Are you sure?' The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.'
25. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root
canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.
26. There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope
that
at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.
Well, hopefully one of these 26 made you laugh ...
He acquired his size from too much pi.
2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island. It turned out
to be an optical Aleutian.
3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.
4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because
it
was a weapon of math disruption.
5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road ... and was cited for
littering.
7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum
Blownapart.
8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are
looking
into it.
10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said
to
the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'
13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit
me.
14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the
Grass.'
15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small
medium
at large.
16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a
seasoned veteran.
17. A backward poet writes inverse.
18. In a democracy, it's your vote that counts. In feudalism, it's
your
count that votes.
19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
20. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine.
21. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The
stewardess looks at him and says, 'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion
allowed
per passenger.'
22. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and
says
'Dam!'
23. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in
the
craft. Unsurprisingly it sank. Proving once again that you can't have
your
kayak and heat it too.
24. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my electron.' The
other says 'Are you sure?' The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.'
25. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root
canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.
26. There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope
that
at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.
Well, hopefully one of these 26 made you laugh ...