A drunk Scott walks into his bedroom with a goat on a leash trailing behind him.

"This is the cow I sleep with when you aren't in the mood." The Scott says.

His wife looks up from her book and says "If you weren't such a drunken fool, I would tell you that wasn't a cow!"

To which the Scott replied "If you weren't such a presumptuous bitch, I'd tell you I was talking to the goat!"