Beware Beware
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Suggestion for the Automated Switchboard of a Psychiatric Hospital.
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Thank you for calling.
If you are obsessive-compulsive, press '1' repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, ask someone else to press '2'.
If you have multiple personalities, press '3', '4', '5' and '6'.
If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want; just stay on the line and we will trace the call.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are depressed, it doesn't matter which number you press, we won't answer your call anyway.
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Thank you for calling.
If you are obsessive-compulsive, press '1' repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, ask someone else to press '2'.
If you have multiple personalities, press '3', '4', '5' and '6'.
If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want; just stay on the line and we will trace the call.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are depressed, it doesn't matter which number you press, we won't answer your call anyway.