bartender

A man walked into a bar with his pet monkey. The monkey jumped on the pool table and swallowed the cue ball. The bartender yelled, "Hey, he just ate my cue ball. No one can play pool anymore! Get out!" So the monkey and the man left. The man brought the ball back the next day with his...

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A very attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the bartender, who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face closer...

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A small, balding man stormed into a local bar and demanded, "Gimme a double of the strongest whiskey you got! I'm so upset I can't even see straight!" The bartender, noticing that the little man was a bit the...

A guy came into a bar one day and said to the bartender, “Give me six double vodka.” The barman says, “Wow! you must have had very bad day.” “Yes, I’ve just found out my older brother is gay.” The next day the same guy came into the bar and asked for the same drinks. When the bartender asked...

A man walked into a bar and ordered a twelve-year old scotch. As the bartender was busy, he decided to serve the guy whatever he had under his hand. The fellow took a sip, spat it out, and told the bartender, "I asked for a twelve-year old scotch and not a three year-old one." When the...

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A baby seal walks into a bar and sits down. "What can I get you?" asked the bartender. "Anything but a Canadian Club" replied the seal.

Pissed off... ________________________________________ Coming into the bar and ordering a double, the man leaned over and confided to the bartender, "I'm so pissed off !" "Oh yeah? What happened?" asked the bartender politely. "See, I met this beautiful woman who invited me back to...

Canadian baby -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A man from Canada buys a round of drinks for everyone in the bar as he announces his wife has just produced "A typical Canadian baby boy weighing twenty pounds." Congratulations shower all around...

A neutron at a bar A neutron walks into a bar. "I'd like a beer" he says. The bartender promptly serves up a beer. "How much will that be?" asks the neutron. "For you?" replies the bartender, "no charge"

Bear in Alaska A bear walks into a bar in Alaska and sits down. He bangs on the bar with his paw and demands a beer. The bartender approaches and says, "We don't serve beer to bears in bars in Alaska ." The bear, becoming angry, demands again that he be served a beer. The bartender...

play any instrument -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A guy walks into a bar with an octopus on his shoulder. The bartender says "you can't bring that in here!" The guy says "Why not? He's a pet. Plus I'll bet you a drink he can play any...

the useful frog -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A useful Frog A guy walks into a bar, orders a scotch and soda and puts a frog on the bar. The bartender gives him the drink and asks what the frog's for? The guy snaps his fingers and the frog...

Psychiatrists vs. Bartenders EVER SINCE I WAS A CHILD, I'VE ALWAYS HAD A FEAR OF SOMEONE UNDER MY BED AT NIGHT. SO I WENT TO A SHRINK AND TOLD HIM 'I've got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there's somebody under it. I'm scared. I think I'm going crazy..' 'Just put yourself in my hands...

didn't like it -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A well-dressed gentleman entered an upscale restaurant in the East End of Manhattan, and took a seat at the bar. The bartender came over and asked "What can I get you to drink, sir?" The gentleman...

a mathematician -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Every Friday afternoon, a mathematician goes down to the bar, sits in the second-to-last seat, turns to the last seat, which is empty, and asks a girl who isn't there if he can buy her a drink...

headshaker -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Returning from the men's room, a bar customer was shaking his head. "What's the matter?" inquired the bartender. "While I was in the bathroom back there, I noticed among the scribblings on the wall...

A man walks into a bar with a paper bag. He sits down and places the bag on the counter. The bartender walks up and asks what's in the bag. The man reaches into the bag and pulls out a little man, about 9 inches high and sets him on the counter. He reaches back into the bag and pulls out...

One too many A drunk gets up from the bar and heads for the bathroom. A few minutes later, a loud, blood curdling scream is heard coming from the bathroom. A few minutes after that, another loud scream reverberates through the bar. The bartender goes into the bathroom to investigate why...

If you had what I had A man enters the bar of a five star restaurant, sits at the bar and orders four very expensive drinks. The bartender serves them on a silver tray, setting all four in front of the patron. The man then consumes all four drinks in a matter of seconds. The bartender...

If you had what I had -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A man enters the bar of a five star restaurant, sits at the bar and orders four very expensive drinks. The bartender serves them on a silver tray, setting all four in front of the patron...