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A Newfie was standing at a bar and a beautiful woman was beside him so he leans over and says, "You remind me of my little toe." She replies, "What? You mean I'm small and cute?" He says, "No. I’ll probably bang you on the coffee table later when I'm drunk."

A couple are at an airport in Arizona awaiting their flight. They were dressed in heavy boots, parka, scarf, mittens. All ready to head home to the Canadian winter. An older American couple standing nearby is intrigued by their manner of dress. The wife says to her husband, "Look at that...

The phone rings, and the wife answers. A pervert, with heavy breathing, says, "I bet you have a tight ass**** with no hair." Woman replies, "Yes, he's watching TV - who shall I say is calling?"

Two men are looking for work, one sees an airport and says, "Lets go over there and ask for work." The other one says "No!" The first man says "Well, I'm going to ask." So he go's to the airport and asks "Are you guys hiring?" The man behind the desk replies, "What can you do?", he...

An elderly man is stopped by the police around 1 am and is asked where he is going at this time of night. The man replies, "I am going to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body." The officer then asks, "Really? Who is giving that lecture at this time of...

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A blond is driving down a deserted highway when she gets pulled over. The cop gets out of his car and asks if she has been drinking and she replies "No". So he radios the station and asks what to do. The cop...

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Two blondes were filling up at a gas station and the first blonde says to the second, "I bet these awful gas prices are going to go even higher." The second blonde replies, "Won't affect me, I always put in just...

Dog licking them self Two old fellas were sitting on a park bench.....when across the park, they see a dog licking his nuts.....one guy looked over at the other and says " I wish I could do that" The other oldtimer replies back" better ask if you can pet him first".:eek::confused: lit bill

Border crossing A guy was traveling through the United States on vacation when, lo and behold, he lost his wallet and all identification.. Cutting his trip short, he attempts to make his way home but is stopped by the Customs Agent at the Peace Arch Customs "May I see your...

Alrighty then !! A husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big open-mouthed kiss, says she'll see him later and walks away. His wife glares at him and says, "Who...

Sears Catalogue -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Two newfie's were looking at a Sears catalogue and admiring the models.. One says to the other, "Have you seen the beautiful girls in this catalogue?" The second one replies, "Yes, they are very...

A college student is doing a research paper on pirates. He goes to the docks one day and finds a drunkard swarthy pirate laying at the edge of a pier. After a brief explaination he asks ” How did you lose your leg?” The pirate responds “Yarrrr I was swimming in that thar sea and shark beet off...

A guy shows up late for work. The boss yells, "You should've been here at 8:30!" The guy replies, "Why? What happened at 8:30?"

Little Johnnys Camping Trip -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- One night Little Johnny was really scared sleeping by himself at camp, so he sprints out of his tent and runs to his teachers tent and asks "Miss can I please sleep with you tonight...

Undertaker... Roy, an undertaker in Pennsylvania came home with a black eye. "What happened to you?" asked his wife." I had a terrible day," replies Roy."I had to go to a hotel and pick up a man who had died in his sleep. When I got there, the manager said they couldn't get...

Do you still get horny? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Two elderly ladies are sitting on the front porch, doing nothing. One old lady turns to the other and asks, "Do you still get horny?" The other replies, "Oh sure I do." The first old lady...

The Blonde at Western Union -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A blonde goes to the Western Union office and says, "I just have to get an urgent message to my mother in Europe." The clerk says it will be $100, and she replies "But I don't have...

Never Been Kissed -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- One day a man is walking along the beach and sees a quadriplegic girl on the boardwalk, sitting in her wheelchair and crying. He decides to be a good samaritan and asks her what's wrong. She...

If you had what I had -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A man enters the bar of a five star restaurant, sits at the bar and orders four very expensive drinks. The bartender serves them on a silver tray, setting all four in front of the patron...

Re: Vs-ul (full emu) 11/27/08 Thanks Just wanted say thanks to all. I have not had to ask a question as i have simply followed replies to same questions I ve had Thanks again