Guy Chips

Beware Beware

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Guy Chips
"I WAS LISTENING TO YOU.
IT'S JUST THAT I HAVE THINGS ON MY MIND."
Means: "I was wondering if that redhead
over there is wearing a bra."

"TAKE A BREAK HONEY, YOU'RE WORKING TOO HARD".
Means: "I can't hear the game over
the vacuum cleaner."

"THAT'S INTERESTING, DEAR."
Means: "Are you still talking?"

"YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS."
Means: "I remember the theme song to 'F Troop',
the address of the first girl I ever kissed,
and the vehicle identification numbers
of every car I've ever owned,
but I forgot your birthday."

"I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT YOU,
AND GOT YOU THESE ROSES".
Means: "The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe."

"OH, DON'T FUSS, I JUST CUT MYSELF, IT'S NO BIG DEAL."
Means: "I have actually severed a limb,
but will bleed to death before
I admit that I'm hurt."

"HEY, I'VE GOT MY REASONS FOR WHAT I'M DOING".
Means: "And I sure hope I think of some pretty darn soon."

"I CAN'T FIND IT."
Means: "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands,
so I'm completely clueless.

"WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?"
Means: "What did you catch me at?"

"I HEARD YOU."
Means: "I haven't the foggiest clue what you
just said, and am hoping desperately that I
can fake it well enough so that you don't
spend the next 3 days yelling at me."

"YOU KNOW I COULD NEVER LOVE ANYONE ELSE."
Means: "I am used to the way you yell at me,
and realize it could be worse.

"YOU LOOK TERRIFIC."
Means: "Please don't try on one more outfit,
I'm starving already."

"I'M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE."
Means: "No one will ever see us alive again."

"WE SHARE THE HOUSEWORK."
Means: "I make the mess, she cleans it up."
 
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